So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
