I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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