So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
