I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
