I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
