I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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