I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
