My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
