this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
