Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
