I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have post one night stand depression
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