How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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