2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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