I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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