Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
