Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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