Im at strip club and am horny
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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