Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
