Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
