Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
