so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
