remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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