seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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