If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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