Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
