Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
