can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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