Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
