Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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