If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
