I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
