pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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