well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
