just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
