# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
