sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can't special order awesome
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
