Need sex. Gaining weight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
