is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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