VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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