that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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