He kissed a someone with a penis
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
