i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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