i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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