did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
