Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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