Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
