Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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