Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
