My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
