thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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