In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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