you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's shark week go big or go home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
