Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is Oprah even human
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
