I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
