proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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