well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
