so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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