Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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