By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
