So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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