I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
