I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
