Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
