I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
