so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
