I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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