I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
