Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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