Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
