I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm passing your future prison.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
