I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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