I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
