I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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