I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
