in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
