Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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