He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
