guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
