from now on my penis is your penis
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
