I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm passing your future prison.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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