Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
