oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize