I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
